It’s been a bit of a rollercoaster two weeks, during which I’ve gone from being very very busy to doing absolutely nothing. I only have a few more days here in Cambridge and as much as I’d like to think I’ll be making the most of them, I will actually probably be doing paperwork, packing the remaining things from my room and sleeping a lot. On the upside I ought to see most of my friends, one way or another.
I was talking to a friend who was in a similar position last year and she advised me to keep a blog, partly to keep my friends up to date with what I’m doing but also to give me motivation to actually do something! I decided to start it tonight because today has had a lot of lasts – the last time my mouse will live with me (my mum has cats so Stilton’s gone to my dad’s), the last time I’ll work in the church creche this year, the last Sunday in Cambridge. My dad and his partner went home earlier this evening with most of my stuff so my room is fairly bare
Another friend came round a little while ago to give me chocolate (nom nom nom) and tell me how sad she was that I’m leaving. It was really lovely to hear that, because I feel like I’ve not really spent enough time with my friends while I’ve been here. I’ve been so busy that I didn’t manage to make the effort to just hang out.
So. When I come back next year several things will happen: I’ll do less stuff outside my degree, I’ll go to the library to work instead of pretending that sitting in my room is productive, and I’ll spend time with people just because instead of for a play or a match or a show or whatever.
Today I also bought some books. There’s a really nice bookshop on the corner down the road where the Eagle is, and I went in today and discovered that they were selling books for half their RRP. I went a bit mad and bought a ton of them. Just as soon as I’m feeling up to intensive reading again, I will begin working my way through them.
I’m actually feeling quite positive at the moment, because now that the decision has been made and made official, the pressure is off. I can stop feeling guilty that nothing is getting done properly, I can stop panicking that things will keep spiralling down, and I can look forwards to next year when I can get back on track. It’s taken a lot of thinking and talking it over to get to this stage; a few days ago it felt like there had been an unexpected death. I suppose in a way there has – the me who was a busy Law student this year has died, or at the very least gone into a coma, leaving behind the exhausted me who really does need to take a break.