You know, when I started blogging I admit I did entertain a few visions of internet fame. I imagined becoming the most popular blogger on a subject as yet to be determined: childcare (unlikely), gap years (even more unlikely), wrangles with bureaucracy (looking increasingly likely, to be honest), something else magnificent, glorious and impressive on a CV.
I did not at any point imagine that my blog would be the third result on a google search for “why do my hands smell like vomit”.
Yes, dear readers, once again “why do my hands smell like vomit” has returned to my Search Terms statistics. They now look like this:
hands smell like vomit 2
hands smell like sick 1
figurative storm 1
my hands smell of sick 1
my hands smell like sick 1
why do my hands smell like vomit 1
figurative storms 1
You’ll notice a new entry in there since the last time we checked: I’m not exactly sure how that got in there, since I don’t remember even having published the post where I mentioned JFK yet, but either I did and I forgot, or google is SERIOUSLY invasive.
Anyway. I just don’t understand. I have blogged about so many things, including but not limited to: rabbits, children, religion, technology, travel, Paris, and the weather, all of which I would expect to be more interesting to your average Googler. But it seems that what the blogging public really want to read about is the sweet, sweet aroma of vomit.
As a test, I had a look to see how large the pool of possibilities is for your typical search engine user. I chose three search terms which seemed likely to be searched for: children, rabbits, and of course vomit.
Using Yahoo! search, I got the following information:
children: 3,720,000,000 results
rabbits: 71,900,000 results
vomit: 38,000,000 results
Well, vomit returns the least options but that is still a heck of a lot of other vomit-related websites and presumably at least some of them are actually devoted to vomit, rather than just giving it the occasional passing mention. And I’m not even on the first five pages. I didn’t bother looking further than that, because who bothers?
Google returned the following numbers:
children: 1,710,000,000 results
rabbits: 45,800,000 results
vomit: 40,200,000 results
Which gives rise to an interesting comparison between the two search engines, but doesn’t tell us anything new. There are a lot of alternative vomit-related hits. It’s not like our vomit-seekers, to coin a phrase, don’t have choice.
So I then had a look at the full phrase. “Hands smell like vomit” or “hands smell like sick” seem to be common phrases. For the former, on Google, there are 2,630 results. For the latter, only 8. And for both I am the first (and, shamefully, also the second for the latter – that’s a full 25% of results).
Hmm. I seem to have created a rod for my own back. But if I am filling a niche in the blogging market, then I suppose I’ve achieved my goal… in a way.
Later: I just noticed something. Wouldn’t you just know that my 100th post would be about vomit?